Newsletter 10/10

October 2010

As promised, here is my October Newsletter in October. In my last Newsletter, I went on a bit about summer turning to fall in the Northern Hemisphere on September 21, and winter turning to spring in the Southern Hemisphere on the same day. Well, I got a bunch of emails from Aussies telling me that winter ends there on August 31. They all admitted that this was an arbitrary date, not linked as it should be to the position of the sun. Okay. I’m glad the Aussies didn’t build Stonehenge.

I did a book publicity trip to Australia and New Zealand about fifteen years ago and I absolutely loved the country and the people, and I look forward to my next trip. Meanwhile, The Lion will be published there on November 4. It will make a good summer beach reading Christmas gift.

The Lion will also be published by Little, Brown, U.K. in the United Kingdom and Ireland on November 4, and in other British Commonwealth countries around the world where English is spoken. So, if you happen to be in, say, Uganda, in November, buy a copy of The Lion. Cheaper than a real lion. My overseas royalties go into a numbered Swiss bank account that the I.R.S. doesn’t know about. Mum’s the word.

As I announced in my last Newsletter, the mass market (cheap) edition of The Gate House will be published by Grand Central Publishing on November 1, here in the U.S. and Canada. Again, paperbacks make great stocking stuffers and good turkey stuffers.

Back to Australia. This is really bothering me. This Newsletter goes out all over the world and I try to make it international, but I can see this could be a problem. We all know that the world is going to end on December 21, 2012, which is the Winter Solstice. But when is the world going to end in Australia? December 1? January 1? You see what I’m getting at. Let me hear from you guys down under about this.

Also, on the international front, The Gate House was published in France in June, titled Le Domaine. I got lots of great reader emails from La Belle France, and almost everyone commented on the intriguingly ambiguous ending, and the fact that the lack of resolution was strangely satisfying in an existential way. Great. Whatever. Well, as it turns out, my French publisher inadvertently left off the last two chapters of the book. Mon Dieu! Holy Soufflé! But my French publisher tells me that only a fraction of the print run has missing chapters. I think the fraction is 15/16ths. But if anyone out there in the French speaking world, including Quebec, has a complete 71 chapter book—as opposed to a 69 chapter book—let me know. I’ll send you a baguette or something.

On to happier news. I mentioned in my September Newsletter that in the near future, you will be able to download my books into a 3-D holographic Talkie Bookie (see the archived September Newsletter for a complete description of this device). Well, in the fast and ever-changing world of digital and electronic technology, the future is past before it arrives, and this device is obsolete before it was available. The good news is that my books can now be converted into a pulsating laser beam and blasted into your brain in less than three seconds. This device, called Beanie Book Blaster will only be available for use in Starbucks. While you’re waiting half an hour for the barista to get your mocha latte made, the Beanie Book Blaster can shoot the entire canon of Western Literature into your brain. All you need to do is type in the titles or use the voice recognition program if you haven’t been eating peanut butter brownies or something.

How, you ask, do you recover the memory of these books? Well…they’re working on that. More next month.

And finally, a word about my next book. As I said in my last Newsletter, this will be a new John Corey/Kate Mayfield book. I’ve decided to get John and Kate out of New York and out of 26 Federal Plaza, and put them in Yemen. Where is Yemen? It’s on the map. First find Saudi Arabia, which is big. Then go south to a spot where if Saudi Arabia needed an enema, this would be where you’d put it. See it?

Okay, why Yemen? Because it’s a really dangerous place—Al Qaeda guys, CIA, drone missile strikes, USS Cole bombing and other bad stuff. You might recall that in Night Fall, John Corey was sent on assignment to Yemen and did not enjoy it. Now, he and Kate are being assigned together for a dangerous mission—think Indiana Jones meets James Bond. I’ve already finished the first two chapters and sent them to my French publisher to replace the missing chapters in Le Domaine.

Okay, that’s it—except for a gentle reminder to buy a paperback copy of The Gate House when it comes out on November 1—that’s All Saints Day, the day after Halloween, except maybe in Australia. Does anyone know?

And don’t forget that November 4 is publication day for The Lion in the U.K., Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, and some other places where they spell labor as labour and favor as favour, and so fourth. Forth?

Anyway, have a great Halloween and don’t forget that Tuesday, November 2 is Election Day in the U.S., and the Day of the Dead in Mexico. Or is it the other way around? Hard to tell these days. And remember, if you vote, you encourage them.

Sincerely,