Newsletter 12/17

December 2017

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving, surrounded by family and friends.

We have a tradition at our house where the youngest person at the table yells, “The turkey has salmonella!” Then a guest, dressed as an American Indian, comes into the dining room carrying a tray of sizzling, fat-marbled steaks and shouts, “The Great Spirit has sent these U.S.D.A. prime rib eyes for you!” And everyone toasts the Great Spirit and shouts, “Holy cow!”

Try this next year.

And now for a commercial message. My new book, The Cuban Affair, which, thanks to all of you, debuted at #1 in The New York Times, USA Today, and on other bestsellers lists, has gone into its 4^th printing. Supplies are dwindling, but there are still books available in bookstores, or you can click here to buy one or more. The Cuban Affair makes an excellent Christmas or Hanukkah gift, especially if you personalize the book with a warm or funny inscription and sign my name – sample signature below. This is not trickery or forgery; this is thoughtfulness. And while you’re at it, buy some of my older books in paperback. They make excellent stocking stuffers. But take your foot out first.

Good news for people looking for a bargain; on December 17, my novel Mayday, co-authored with Thomas Block, will be offered as an Amazon’s Top Fiction Gold Box book for the incredible low price of $1.99! Don’t miss this one day offer – you can stuff 20 stockings for about forty bucks!

Our social media contest will run from December 1 through 15. Contestants will comment or message us with a picture of them holding The Cuban Affair. Five winners will receive one limited-edition Cuban Affair T-shirt (pictured here). Click on the social media links below to find out more information.

December is a busy month for most people and the holidays can be stressful. But as you write your Christmas cards, shop and wrap presents, buy a Christmas tree, and decorate the house and string lights outside, and shop for holiday food, and go to holiday gatherings and school pageants and concerts, drink and eat too much, and stuff the stockings and stuff money into envelopes for everyone who expects a tip, and stuff the stupid Christmas turkey, and stress over how you’re going to pay for all this crap, just keep in mind that you could have avoided all of this if you’d converted to Judaism like you promised yourself last year. Also, it’s not too late to book a four-week trip to a Buddhist country. Think about it.

But if you stay home, as I do, then try to enjoy the season. And remember how magical it was when you were a child. And remember the true meaning of Christmas, and the promise of peace on Earth and good will toward all of humanity.

Merry Christmas.

And Happy Hanukkah to my Jewish family and friends.

And a happy, healthy, and prosperous New Year to all.

Sincerely,